Even Now, Here's My Heart

WHEN: August 23rd 2009
AUTHOR: Katie
CATEGORY: Blog
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I’ve heard these words sang so many times. "Even now, here’s my heart God". They’ve never struck me as much as they do in this moment. Not long ago I was a full time student. I wasn’t a Christian by any means. I had never known that there was any such thing as a relationship with God. I had planned on going straight through to graduate school. I would have my doctorate and a steady salary in no time. I was on the fast track to comfort and complacency. To say that I’m in a different place in my life now would be an understatement. As I write this I am sitting in the Chapel at CCC. I am no longer a full time student. I am no longer a non-Christian. I am no longer on anything even closely resembling a comfortable or stable path. Today is my second day as an intern in the outreach department at the church. I spend the majority of my days now in an environment that was completely foreign to me no more than a year and a half ago. Today is also my second day living in a new house with new roommates after living in the same place with the same people for three years. My family is constantly calling me with their concerns that I’m going off the deep end. Lately it seems like anything that can go wrong does go wrong. My car breaks down, my dog gets injured, the bills stack up and I am an unpaid intern. Real practical, right? But right now, as I sit here in this room filled with worship music, I realize that I am exactly where I need to be. I realize that stability is nothing if I have no sense of purpose. A paycheck is worth nothing if I abandon God’s will for my life to pursue it. As I sit here feeling worn out and beaten down, I am overcome with a sense of meaning, a renewed hope, and all I can say is “even now, here’s my heart God”. Even now, while I have no idea what’s in store for me this year. Even now, while I’m not sure how my financial situation will play out. Even now, while my family thinks I’ve taken a dive off the deep end. Even now, while everywhere I turn something is breaking down. Even now, while I feel like I’m at the end of my rope while I’m only at the beginning of a new journey, here is my heart God.
It belongs to no one else.
I trust you.
Do what you will.